My mother used to always say, “things are not always as they appear…”
I hated when she would say this… Come to think of it I still do.
The crazy thing about it is I think she’s right. Rarely are things as they appear. Some people are experts at their presentation versus owning their reality. Let me say that again things are rarely as they appear.
Stop Seeking the Approval of Others
Its amazing to me how much I let what others think of me dictate my mood or how I feel about myself. That feeling of second guessing myself? That’s nonsense. What a crazy thing to do! You may try your entire life to get their approval and it may never come. I know this… yet I still really struggle with this very thing. The ONLY approval that matters is the approval we get from Jesus.
Galatians 1:10 (NIV), “Am I now trying to win the approval of human beings, or of God? Or am I trying to please people? If I were still trying to please people, I would not be a servant of Christ.”
Why exactly do we seek the approval of others? It’s hard enough meeting our own personal expectations let alone seeking the approval of others on top of that! It’s tiring holding back on who you are in fear of not being “good enough” for these people. Seriously what is “good enough” and who defines it?
The sad reality is many of us have suffered greatly from the hurt and/or rejection of a friend or family member(s). I am not sure why it hurts so much coming from such close sources but, chasing their acceptance or approval comes at such a great cost. It’s hard being around people that will never value you. Regularly I find myself repeating these words:
My approval does NOT come from others, my approval comes from the Lord! He thinks I’m pretty awesome.
Blogging Has Proven to Be Challenging
I have been really struggling to write on here this last week or two. It hasn’t been for lack of time or desire. I have been in my head big time about writing. I have spent the last almost fourteen plus years protecting the things that are nearest and dearest to me. The whole concept of putting my life out on the internet is not exhilarating at all, it’s terrifying.
That feeling of never being good enough for someone is just miserable. The thought of putting myself out there and allowing myself to be vulnerable is hard… only really it’s not. I have so many different life experiences as a wife, mom, prior military wife, etc. that it’s really a shame the power that a few people have over me.
Who Are You Making Happy?
In one breath I am extremely confident in the person that I am. I’ve been through some things in my life… And I have so much to share. I’ve learned to give myself grace in areas such as this. I am a constant work in progress always evolving and redefining what truly makes ME happy. The thing that holds me back most is the fact that I really do not find joy in filtering my heart, or the words that I’m saying. My heart isn’t ugly therefore the words that I say aren’t meant to hurt. I’m so tired of holding back in fear of not being accepted or misinterpreted.
Who are YOU making happy by holding yourself back? The impossible person or yourself?
Take for instance this post. I just want to say I don’t understand how people can be so mean and thoughtless. I’m tired of caring what these people think of me yet, these people couldn’t care less about how they make me feel.
Right now as I type this blog post I am on day 5 of writing and revising it. If I write this so in so will be offended, or maybe “so in so” will think I’m writing this about them. If I, If I, if I… it’s exhausting. The bottom line is to some people you will never be good enough. It’s just what it is. Seeking their approval is like running a race against a car… it’s never going to happen.
I have to admit… it’s not easy. I struggle with this every-single-day. Why share me with the world if to some of the closest people to me and my family, I am not good enough? Why if when I share my heart and am vulnerable can’t they find the beauty in the vulnerabilities? It’s such a tough thing to process. Why do these people constantly seek to hurt my feelings and poke fun at the things I do and enjoy? There’s not an answer here. I am not even convinced the people that hurt us the most even know they are hurting us.
How dare we give people the ability to affect us in such a manner?
My sister actually scolded me the other day which is hard to admit but alas here I am. She said to me, “Amanda, how DARE YOU hide who you are when you have so much to offer the world?” She challenged me to put aside those small handful of people that hold me back from being “me” and move forward in to the direction that God is leading me.
…if only I saw me the way that my sister sees me.
I think it’s human nature to want to protect ourselves. Many have suffered great hurts or experienced rejection in their personal lives, I know I have. The most confusing part is where these underlining hurts originate from.
I am not good at being fake. I wear my heart on my… face. I’m bad at hiding when something bothers me. Honestly though why should I? It’s been far too long that I’ve let people dictate my mood or my ability to truly express myself and just be me. The challenge of being good enough for them is not worth it. I’m not good at skating around subjects and find it really challenging when a subject is on my heart to not simply be me.
Colossians 3:23-25 (NIV), “Whatever you do, work at it with all your heart, as working for the Lord, not for human masters, since you know that you will receive an inheritance from the Lord as a reward. It is the Lord Christ you are serving. Anyone who does wrong will be repaid for their wrongs and there is no favoritism.”