I’ve always been the type of mommy that talks to my kids… I know that sounds silly to hear, I mean of course we all talk to our kids, atleast to some degree. What I mean is, sometimes when I talk to my kids I have the most meaningful conversations… you know the ones you think back on. On occasion during my random rambling I have the greatest realizations or revelations. Today was one of these moments.
I had been up since 7am to make sure my new Middle Schooler was ready in time to catch the bus. You know, make sure our new “normal” routine went off without a hitch. My daughters woke up around 8am and sat with me outside for a bit before after Zach’s bus pulled away. It was a nice, slow start to what is usually a busy and hectic hour. I didn’t have to move fast because I had already made their lunches. We lingered a bit longer than usually this morning on the porch.
I sent the girls off to school and had a few minutes to myself before my littlest angel woke up. I sat at the computer with a cup of coffee in hand mindlessly clicking links on Facebook. It just so happened that I clicked on probably the saddest story ever about a mother and father that just died in a tragic plane crash in Georgia the end of August. The parents left behind 5 young children. To say that I felt emotional after reading this story would be a bit of an understatement.
Do you ever just want to hug someone real tight and not let them go?! That was me this morning when Lukey finally woke up. My entire world consists of my husband and children. Imagining the amount of pain my children would feel in the absence of Brian and I made me sick to my stomach…
I was folding and hanging laundry in the upstairs bathroom when my little man came in asking if I’d like his help… well, more like demanding that he wanted to help me (ha). Lukey helped me switch the laundry and he put the kids clothes on their beds for me. He’s become quite the helper these days. His help may make housework take a bit longer but, I do have to admit I absolutely love the one on one time and conversations in these moments.
These days Lukey really holds a decent conversation. It feels like all of a sudden my baby boy has turned in to a little boy. We talked about our day, dinosaurs, colors, the kids and about how thankful I am that he was helping me. We went back and forth for a minute of who loves who more… I’m pretty sure he loves me to the moon and back. And then out of no where the tears started flowing… it was at that exact moment the five little kids from Georgia that just lost their mom and dad came to mind.
I found myself rambling to Lukey about the tragic story I had read just before he woke up. I told him how sad I was for the children and went on to say, I pray nothing ever happens to mommy and daddy because that would be so sad.
At this exact moment I looked over to find my Lukey with tears dripping down his precious little face… Cue ALL the mom tears. I stopped everything I was doing and picked my little man up so fast and squeezed him tight.
- I didn’t realize how much he was listening; how much he understood.
- I never realized how much he felt… others pain.
- He took my sadness and made it in to his sadness and became emotional.
When I looked at my baby boy and saw his puckered lip and his tears in his eyes I was overcome with so many emotions. How precious is it that he is so sensitive? What an awesome responsibility we have to raise sweet, sensitive little people. I wiped his little tears, kissed his little face and told him just how much I love his sweet spirit. That moment to me was absolutely precious. People talk about their “whys” all the time… This family of mine is my “why” – my everything.
Lukey said to me, “Mommy and I daddy not died…” to which I replied, you’re right your mommy and daddy are very alive and love you very much. With Lukey in my arms I wiped his tears and with tears in my eyes I just held him.
What a tremendous honor and responsibility it is to bring babies in to the world and raise them to be good, kind, sweet, sensitive people. I just want to encourage you today that it is ok to be vulnerable and real with our babies. It’s ok to not always be happy. We can still be sad in front of our children because in our sadness we have the opportunity to share with our babies how to handle big and oftentimes very complicated emotions. It is ok to let our children see us in our vulnerable states. There’s beauty in the genuine moments when we can show our children our true character.
I’m sure that I will be thinking of this precious moment with my sweet Lukeyman and remember it for years to come. There’s something so precious about the heart of a child. It’s ok to let our children express their emotions to us. I can’t explain the feeling I had when I looked at my three year old little boy that was trying to process what mommy was rambling about… It is ok to be uncomfortable with our emotions because sometimes if we are quiet enough we can learn a whole lot from them.